Erasing
by entre-lagrimas-y-suspiros
Summary: AbbeyCJ. It's the start of the Bartlet Administration and the end of an affair.


**Title:** Erasing

**Fandom:** The West Wing

**Pairing:** Abbey/CJ

**Warning:** Femmeslash

**Rating:** PG

**Word Count: **825

**Summary:** It's the start of the Bartlet Administration and the end of an affair.

Erasing

CJ walked into her new D.C. apartment exhausted. They had won in November. They had all hoped but none could have known for sure that this would be the outcome. They had won. So why didn't she feel like celebrating? Why was she not psyched out about the task ahead of them? They had won. But she had lost.

CJ had lost something she could never get back. She had lost Abbey. No not Abbey. Not anymore.

She was the First Lady now.

First Lady Abigail Bartlet. Wife of the now President Elect Josiah Bartlet. Her boss' wife had nothing to do with her. The First Lady could never and would never have an affair with a member of her husband's staff. And of course CJ as Press Secretary to the President Elect would never have an affair with the First Lady. That was the part CJ didn't like thinking about because it reminded her of her involvement in ending _it_.

This was why she wasn't about to let herself breakdown into a fit of tears. Nope she was definitely not going to cry. Even as she sank to the floor and drew the legs close to her chest CJ told herself there wouldn't be any tears.

There could be no tears because CJ hadn't been dumped. No she had been in equal agreement with Abbey that they shouldn't do _it_ anymore.

CJ felt her eyes sting and closed tight rubbing the palms of her hands into them until she saw little circles from the pressure. She stayed like than until it hurt enough that she couldn't stand it anymore. CJ opened her eyes and instantly regretted it because the stinging hadn't gone away and now she had to blink back the salty droplets that were demanding to be let free.

She had sat across from Abbey sometime in mid-December and listened as Abbey explained that she had a duty to Jed. She had a duty to give all of herself for the next four years to help him change the world. CJ had only interjected to say it might be eight years and that she understood because she had the same duty. That had been it, she had simply agreed. There was no use in fighting the inevitable she told the voice in her head that kept saying to tell Abbey no, that there was no need to end it, that they couldn't end it because CJ would just dry up if she didn't feel Abbey's lips on hers on a regular basis. CJ had simply ignored that voice, asked Abbey if there was anything else and then walked out of the room.

So really she had no excuse for the tears that now mark her cheeks or her shaking shoulders. No excuse because it was her fault too.

CJ stayed like for hours simply starring at the collection of boxes in her would be living room. After a while the tears stopped thought the pressure she felt on her chest didn't lessen. It was then that CJ's mind came upon the realization that she couldn't even go through the normal rituals that signaled the end of a relationship. She could erase Abbey from her life because there were no physical signs that she had ever been part of it. No sing at all of too many nights spend together in the year and half CJ had worked for Jed Bartlet. CJ wouldn't be able to ripe Abbey's form from a photo because there wasn't one of them together. All of the opportunities where a camera might have been close by where always events where Abbey had to be the candidate's wife and she like all the other staffers had moved out of the shot. CJ didn't even have a number save in her cell phone she could erase.

There was nothing she could erase.

CJ's laugh in that moment was dark and humorless. It was fitting she supposed that there was no way to erase Abbey since she wouldn't be able to do it anyways. Had there been a photo of them CJ would never had ripped it apart. No CJ would have framed it and then hid the frame in the drawer of her night stand, close enough for her to kiss goodnight yet hidden so no one else could see it.

Anyways what would ripping a photo help when CJ couldn't erase the memory of Abbey's smile. What good could erasing the physical be if she would never be able to rinse out Abbey's taste from her mouth? What good when Abbey's wet opened mouth kisses were tattooed on her skin? What good could it do when she will always dream of Abbey?

CJ slowly got up and surveyed her new apartment. There were boxes everywhere. She supposed it was better there was nothing to rip, less of a mess that way. She had enough to do as it was.


End file.
